Yom Kippur

In our search for the understanding of non-attachment and change, we will turn to Judaism’s holiest day, Yom Kippur (Hebrew יום כיפור), also known as the Sabbath of Sabbaths. Although agnostic, I observe Yom Kippur as I find the mindset and rituals performed highly beneficial.

I believe this day can be practiced by anyone, regardless of their beliefs or story and it has strong connection to the Sabbatarian church and Shia’s Yom Ashura.

So, what is Yom Kippur all about? In Hebrew, Yom Kippur means Day of Atonement. It lasts for twenty-five hours, and during this time you can’t eat, drink, work, or drive, among many other prohibitions. Refraining from these activities symbolically represents a return to the pristine state. A state where you confront yourself, without distractions and desires available to be consumed, or consume your attention.

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Yom Kippur is a day of closure/sealing of our personal “Yearly Book of Life”. And just like any deadline, it creates urgency for last minute changes and decisions. Jews greet each other with “Hatima Tova” before Yom Kippur, which means “May your Seal be good”, in addition to “Tsom Kal” which means “Easy fasting”.

Yom Kippur is connected to the Jewish calendar (happy 5783 everyone!) and occurs in September or October of each year. The next will occur on:

• Sunset, 4 October 2022 – nightfall, 5 October 2022
• Sunset, 24 September 2023 – nightfall, 25 September 2023

In this article I will explain why Yom Kippur can become your annual “Reset Button” allowing you to restart and re-calibrate your life. Granted, my interpretation of the rituals of Yom Kippur are not necessarily the mainstream Jewish interpretation, and some of the ideas presented in this article are based on my own understanding of this special day based on my nomadic lifestyle. It should also be noted that mainstream Judaism, just like most religions, is dominated by political bureaucrats, so any hope their “guidance” can connect you with yourself (or/aka yourself) is unlikely. Yom Kippur is a celebration of individualism with a few core ancient principles which should be customized and interpreted according to your own spiritual world.

Here are some of the elements of Yom Kippur that I find most relevant:

Asking for forgiveness from others

A preliminary step which will prepare you for the prize ahead.

Practical steps:

1) Set aside a few minutes before the holiday begins; choose a time where you have a clear mind and a positive mood. Reflect on your major conflicts and points of friction over the last year with your loved ones and acquaintances.

2) Make a list of everyone who might feel hurt by you.

3) Email or call to apologize.

The first benefit for this ritual is that by mending/closing past conflicts and relationships, a fresh start can emerge, which is what Yom Kippur is all about. Saying you are sorry will usually improve your relationships and make you feel better as well, as you can now get closure and move on.

Other than these great benefits, the forgiveness ritual develops several skills that I find beneficial.

The first skill is awareness and the ability to think retrospectively about the mistakes we have made in the past putting other people’s feelings in the center. Being aware of the pain inflicted by our actions regardless of who is right is important and helps us avoid future mistakes.

The second skill is related to Ego. Asking for forgiveness makes you feel humbled, thus granting you control over the ego. Ego is, after all, our own preoccupation with what other people think of us; a kind of radar that all too frequently malfunctions. Calibrate your radar by admitting your mistakes. Controlling your ego will also allow you to achieve more flexibility and ability to change, as ego is a limiting factor that creates fear and rigidness.

I recommend to guard your list of the people you have decided to apologize to. If you see the same people appear on the list every year, it might be a sign that a core friction exist with them, which requires either a deeper look on how to fix those relationships, or getting out of them all together. This retrospection has greatly helped me disconnecting from long term attachments and relationships that were no longer positive for me.

Asking for forgiveness from yourself

Who is the person most of us have most frictions with and cause most harm to during our lifetime? Ourselves. Shame, internal anger, sense of entitlement, lack of discipline, victimization, emptiness, loneliness, disconnection, lack. The list of our self inflicted sins is endless.

Yom Kippur allows you to reflect on how you actually did damage to yourself in the last year. Make a list of your own actions and patterns that were self damaging and decreased your quality of life, happiness, and ability to reach your full potential. Apologize to yourself for those. Those weaknesses are part of you, some will never change, but acknowledging them is half way to a solution.

Redefine yourself

Yom Kippur is full of prohibitions, but also offers a unique gift, and my main reason of attraction to this day. The first prayer of Yom Kippur is called Kol Nidrei (All vows), and as the name hints, it gives you the ability to nullify all the vows you have made in the last year to yourself or your god (but not to other people). We hardly make vows anymore, so you might think this isn’t relevant to you. But consider that our life is all about the promises we make to ourselves and the way we define ourselves – in other words, our story. The vows we have never taken officially are the ones most shaping our reality. Our vows are who we are, and are a reflection of how we are perceived by ourselves and everyone who knows us. Yom Kippur allows you to break away from those vows which no longer serve you.

The Kol Nidrei prayer can be roughly translated as: “All vows, prohibitions, and definitions, can all be returned and annulled. There are no vows, prohibitions or definitions.”

Yom Kippur allows you to take some time with yourself and decide on changes or annulments to some of your core definitions. It’s amazing to me that a major religion supports an option where, after a day of hard thinking, you can say “I’m not that anymore”. Even though the world sees you as an economist/mother/social worker/depressed, you can start from scratch and redefine yourself as something new (a nomad or sedentary person maybe?). This part of Yom Kippur can create great difficulty and resistance with people who want stability, fear change and not interested in taking a deep look into their lives. In other words, everyone. However, if done correctly, the benefits are immense and life changing. It will allow you to call the bluff on the stories you have told yourself and others. It tells you: “You are now blank paper, reinvent yourself”. This is not a practice for everyone, but life might be too short to be the same person every year.

Practical steps:

1) Allocate time just after the holiday starts when you are still sharp and clear, since not eating and drinking will take a toll on your focus.

2) Reflect on your life, but concentrate less on business goals and career (Which I keep for New Year’s) and more on yourself and who you are. I usually use a pen and paper while answering many questions including: Who am I? What do I like about my story? What don’t I like? What was a repeating point of friction and stress in my life? Who do I want to become next year? Which vows will I release? What do I believe which might no longer be true?

Disconnection

The prohibitions of Yom Kippur are pushing you to spend quality time with yourself while disconnecting from the distractions of the modern world. You are prohibited to run away to entertainment or your smartphone, do any work, eat, drink, or travel.  This guarantees spending most of the day thinking and contemplating. In Israel, no car is seen on the road and TV channels are offline, creating a complete reality change. Hustle and bustle will slow to a freeze. There is usually so much noise around us, and it’s beautiful to watch the “world on pause”. A natural and silent world without noise would help you appreciate the music when it plays again.

Abstention

As previously mentioned, Yom Kippur includes the challenge of refraining from eating or drinking among other prohibitions such as bathing, smoking, sexual activities and driving. The focus is on fasting, since it directly causes discomfort and suffering, reminding us how weak and fragile we are after only twenty-five hours of fasting.

We are used to getting our needs fulfilled in the modern world, and Yom Kippur is a glorious reminder of how dependent and miserable we can be without water and food we take for granted.

On the other hand, practicing Yom Kippur major prohibitions teaches you that while depriving yourself from basic needs creates suffering, you can still survive for a short period without fulfilling your basic needs and desires. Our society is consumption-oriented; we consume what we want when we want it. We avoid suffering. However, we lose freedom by confusing between what we want with what we actually need. Yom Kippur allows you to understand better the things you really need, and teaches you discipline. After the fasting, you can more easily say no to whatever you feel you need right now, based on your experience in that special and long day. Yom Kippur also shows you your strength. There is power in experiencing first hand the ability to survive for a while without the most basic needs. This small “win” of experiencing the abstention of Yom Kippur can be the first domino stone of future wins ahead.

A day of fasting and abstention from our addictions will involve a degree of suffering. This suffering will also make it easier to understand the suffering of others from hunger, weakness, and disease. The hardship and poverty you see on the news becomes your own distilled and controlled reality for a short time.

Before we end this article, a recommended poem written centuries ago by Ibn Ezra is sung on the eve of Yom Kippur, here it is performed by Meir Banai. Part of the holiday consists of remorse and repenting sins, to god and yourself and the lyrics reflects it:

To you my soul, my self, my skin with my corpse. To you my eyes, my ideas, my trust and hope. To you I resemble, to you I don’t resemble. To you I scream, to you I stick, until I am back to my land. And what am I? And what is my life? And what is my strength? A straw in the wind, how will you remember my mistakes?

People were a mess also thousands of years ago. We are not special in our struggles, failings and disappointments. It might be time to ask yourself a beautiful question by the Poet Rumi: “Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open.”

Yom Kippur is a great opportunity for internal celebration, growth and self-calibration and massive change. Milarepa, a Tibetan spiritual leader, once said “My religion is to live and die without regrets”. Yom Kippur can help you do exactly that. Celebrate while you can.